But the Martian,
Who lived just North of Hu-ville,
Did NOT!

The Martian hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his eyeballs weren’t screwed in quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he held his raygun too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he saw red at sight of santa’s smalls.

But,
Whatever the reason, The gun or the smalls,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Hu-mans,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Martian frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Hu-man down in Hu-ville beneath
Was busy now, hanging a mistleoe wreath.

“And they’re hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his martian fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!”
For, tomorrow, he knew…
…All the Hu-man girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Hu-mans, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they’d feast! And they’d feast!
And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Hu-pudding, and rare Hu-roast-beast
Which was something the Martian couldn’t stand in the least!

And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Hu-man down in Hu-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Hu-mans would start singing!

They’d sing! And they’d sing!
AND they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Martian thought of the Hu-Christmas-Sing
The more the Martian thought, “I must stop this whole thing!
“Why for four hundred years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
…But HOW?”

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE MARTIAN
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” The Martian Laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Martian trick!
“With this coat and this hat, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!”

“All I need is a reindeer…”
The Martian looked around.
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Martian…?
No! The Martian simply said,
“If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his dog Max. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

THEN
He loaded a sheep-ray to take care of Saint Nick
And some old empty sacks
On a ramshakle sleigh
And he hitched up old Max.

Then the Martian said, “Giddyap!”
And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Hu-mans
Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Hu-mans were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first house in the square.
“This is stop number one,” The old Martian Claus hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he pulled out his death ray and blew up the flue
He plopped to the ground where little Hu- stockings all hung in a row.
“These stockings,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And to cover his tracks, then the Martian, very nimbly,
Stuffed them into a rocket that flew up the chimney!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Hu-man’s feast!
He took the Hu-pudding! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Fed it all to Max, who broke out in a rash.

“And NOW!” grinned the Martian, “I will stuff up the tree!”

And the Martian got out shears and started to cut,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Hu-man!
Little Cindy-Lou, who was not more than two.

The Martian had been caught by this little Hu-man daughter
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Martian and said, “Santy Claus, why,
“Why are you shaving our Christmas tree? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Martian was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
“Tree’s get too hot when their kept inside.
“So I’m taking it’s fleece home to my workshop, my dear.
“Then I’ll whip up a jumper, and I’ll bring it back here.”

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head
And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.
And when Cindy-Lou went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and blew the tree up!

Then the last thing he did
Was eat the log for their fire.
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.

And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
To the other Hu-man houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other Hu-mouses!

“Pooh-pooh to the Hu-mans!” he was martian-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“The all the Hu-mans down in Hu-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Martian,
“That I simply must hear!”
So he paused. And the Martian put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow…

But the sound wasn’t sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Hu-ville!
The Martian popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Hu-Man down in Hu-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Martian, with his Martian-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Martian thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then…?
Well…in Hu-ville they say
That the martian finally wised up to hu-mans that day
The Martian’s small heart grew three sizes,
As he took to the sky with his Martian Sheep Ray
And he whizzed through the village in the bright morning light
Sending the Hu-mans scattering in fright
For the Martian Sheep Ray does just what you think
And Soon the Hu-Village was full of Hu-Sheep
So he yelled to Max to prepare for a feast
And he…

…HE HIMSELF…!
The Martian carved the roast hu-beast!

Thank you to Rick Moyer, Simon Meddings, Jim Moon, Dave Probert, Sarah Gilbertson, Daniel Vieira, Gareth Edwards, Al Kessel, Amy, Ricky, Phoenix, Raven and Kiarra.

We listen to our own highly esteemed bard singing such as ‘Human’s Playing Domjot’ and ‘Starfleet Uniforms’. In fact our bard has become so popular even the humans have caught on and Moyer777 (or Rick as he is known by humans) will be giving them a concert. Of course we wouldn’t be martians if we didn’t include some form of subliminal mind control in the music but we will leave it to you to work out what that is. Just watch your feet if you happen to be there.

So in honour of Moyer777′s hatching day, we have declared this to be Martian Star Trek Parody Day and I can only encourage humans all over the globe to join in at http://startrekparodies.com/

Links to the first part of each episode (bar series 2 episode 1 below).

Series 2 Ep. 1 – Lust
Series 2 Ep. 2 – Avarice
Series 2 Ep. 3 – Gluttony
Series 2 Ep. 4 – Envy
Series 2 Ep. 5 – Sloth
Series 2 Ep. 6 – Pride
Series 2 Ep. 7 – Anger

Series 2 Ep. 2 – Humility
Series 2 Ep. 3 – Felicity
Series 2 Ep. 4 – Chastity
Series 2 Ep. 5 – Charity
Series 2 Ep. 6 – Hope
Series 2 Ep. 7 – Patience

Hi, etc

Premise:

Eragon is the story of a boy that discovers a dragon’s egg and with the help of an older man, learns how to rider her.

Summary:

Eragon is the first book in the Inheritance Cycle – 4 books. The story takes place in a Tolkien-esque world of magical creatures, evil kings and of course, dragons. The story actually takes place post-hero time when the world was ruled and governed by the powerful Dragon Riders. The main plot revolves around a young farm boy named Eragon, who in the beginning of the story, finds a mysterious stone while hunting in the forest. It turns out that this stone is actually a dragon egg. As the egg hatches, a small blue dragon emerges and Eragon is marked on his palm with the mark of the dragon rider, which binds him to his dragon eternally. The dragon, named Saphira, is one of the last dragons and the evil king Galbatorix wants her dead so he can remain the only living dragon rider.

The novel begins with a prologue. A Shade – a sorcerer possessed by evil spirits – named Durza and several Urgals kill two Elves and chase Arya (an Elven-lady) through a forest. Arya has a blue stone, later revealed to be a dragon egg. Arya is captured, but sends the egg to the Spine using magic to keep it safe. It is later revealed that the egg was sent to the Spine due to its close proximity to Carvahall, where an ally of Arya lives.

Eragon lives with his uncle Garrow and cousin Roran on a farm on the borders of a small village called Carvahall. While hunting in the Spine, a large and feared mountain range, Eragon is surprised to see a polished blue stone appear in front of him. A few days later, Eragon witnesses a baby dragon hatch from the “stone”, and realizes that it is actually a dragon egg. Eragon names the dragon Saphira. He raises the dragon in secret until two of King Galbatorix’s servants, the Ra’zac, come to Carvahall looking for the egg. Eragon and Saphira manage to escape by hiding in the forest, but Garrow is fatally wounded and the house and farm are burned down by the Ra’zac. Once Garrow dies, Eragon is left with no reason to stay in Carvahall, so he goes after the Ra’zac, seeking vengeance for the destruction of his home and his uncle’s death. He is accompanied by Brom, an elderly story-teller, who insists on helping him and Saphira.
Eragon becomes a Dragon Rider through his bond with Saphira. On the journey, Brom teaches Eragon sword fighting, magic, the Ancient Language, and the ways of the Dragon Riders. Their travels bring them to Teirm, where they are able to track the Ra’zac to the southern city of Dras-Leona. Although they manage to infiltrate the city, Eragon encounters the Ra’zac in a cathedral and he and Brom are forced to flee. Later that night, their camp is ambushed by the Ra’zac. A stranger named Murtagh rescues them, but Brom is gravely injured. Knowing that he is about to die, Brom tells Eragon that he used to be a Dragon Rider. His dragon’s name was also Saphira, but an evil Dragon Rider named Morzan killed her. Brom then avenged Saphira’s death and killed Morzan. After telling Eragon this, Brom dies.

Murtagh becomes Eragon’s new companion and they travel to the city Gil’ead to find information on how to find the Varden, a group of rebels who want to see the downfall of Galbatorix. While stopping near Gil’ead, Eragon is captured and imprisoned in the same jail that holds a woman he has been receiving dreams about. When he breaks out of his cell, he discovers that she is an Elf. Murtagh and Saphira stage a rescue, and Eragon escapes with the unconscious Elf. During the escape, Eragon and Murtagh battle with Durza. Murtagh shoots Durza between the eyes with an arrow, and the Shade disappears in a cloud of mist.
After escaping, Eragon contacts the unconscious Elf telepathically, and discovers that her name is Arya. She tells them that she was poisoned while in captivity and that only a potion in the Varden’s possession can cure her. Arya is able to give directions to the exact location of the Varden: a city called Tronjheim, which sits in the mountain Farthen Dûr. She also adds that they have only four days to reach the Varden or she will die. The group go in search of the Varden, both to save Arya’s life and to escape Galbatorix’s wrath. When they are traveling to the Varden the group notices a huge unit of Urgals following them. The Urgals are revealed to be larger than normal and are called Kull. The Kull reach Eragon right outside the Varden’s entrance, but are driven off with the help of the Varden. The Varden escort them to a place called Farthen Dûr. When they arrive in Farthen Dûr, Eragon is led to the leader of the Varden, Ajihad. Ajihad imprisons Murtagh after he refuses to allow his mind to be read to determine if he is friend or foe to the Varden. Eragon is told by Ajihad that Durza was not destroyed by Murtagh’s well placed arrow, because the only way to kill a Shade is with a stab to the heart.

Eragon is at last able to rest, but a new invasion is imminent. As the battle begins, the Varden and the Dwarves are pitted against an enormous army ofUrgals, deployed by Durza and Galbatorix. During the battle, Eragon faces Durza again. Durza, having gravely wounded Eragon’s back, is about to capture him but is distracted by Saphira and Arya. Durza’s attention is diverted long enough for Eragon to stab him in the heart with his sword. After Durza’s death, the Urgals are released from a spell which had been placed on them, and begin to fight among themselves. The Varden take advantage of this opportunity to make a counter-attack, forcing off the Urgals. While Eragon is unconscious, someone called The Cripple Who Is Whole contacts him telepathically and tells Eragon to come to him for training in the forest of the Elves, Dû Weldenvarden. The book ends with Eragon agreeing to accompany Arya and Saphira to Dû Weldenvarden to complete his training with The Cripple Who Is Whole.

Characters: who are the key characters, what defines them

Eragon – the young farm boy who becomes a dragon rider. He was actually the son of a mysterious woman who left him with his aunt and uncle as a baby to be raised. Eragon is a typical young fantasy story hero – full of angst, lacking in any type of confidence, yet willing to rush in to a fight

Brom – a mysterious old man living in Eragons village. He takes a keen interest in Eragon when he learns of the stone. Eventually, Brom helps Eragon and trains him to be a dragon rider

Saphira – The dragon

The Shade – The sorcerer

Murtagh – Renegade

Arya – Elf who carries the egg initially

The Language

Introduction to the language used in Eragon

Key scenes:

1 – Beginning – Eragon finds dragon egg in Spine (Rocky Mountain type mountain range, very dangerous). After egg hatches, evil Razac (henchmen of the evil king) hunt Eragon and Saphira down, kill Eragon’s Uncle Garrow. Eragon vows revenge

2 – Mid – Eragon meets Brom (former Dragon Rider) and begins learning how to use magic, fight and how to be a Dragon Rider

3 – End – Eragon meets the enemy, however, is not fully trained. Although he wins, he realizes he needs more training…

Resolution: -

• no resolution in this book. Ends open, for second book in series.

What makes the story special

• The complete imagination of the author. Although he was very young when he wrote the first book (19), he possesses a firm handle on the art of storytelling. His style is very reminiscent of Tolkien in that he paints a picture of what he wants you to see so completely, that it’s difficult not to be grabbed by the story.

Thinking Prompt from Stefan

• List 5 personal heros and put the results on the Highway to Mars facebook page

Be seeing you.

Be seeing you.

Hi, etc

Premise:

The Prisoner was a British TV series that aired between 1967 and 1968.

Set in a “constructed” town known only as “the Village” it follows the story of Number 6 a spy who resigns only to be gassed and taken against his will to the Village. The Village is a state of the art centre that houses various members of the spy community breaking them down in order to extract the information that they may know. One of the central themes being escape is impossible and the mysterious group that run the Village are all powerful.

It stared Patrick McGoohan who was very much at the peak of his acting powers. McGoohan was also producer/co-creator on the show and had a huge influence on the show including writing several of the episodes, particularly the last.

Characters:

Number 6
Number 2
The main control
The Butler
Rover

Key scenes/episodes:

Episode 1: The Arrival

The story opens with number 6 driving into the agency where he works and angrily delivers his resignation to his superior. As he returns to his apartment a black hearse pulls up and a man gets out injecting gas into number 6’s apartment. Number 6 wakes up disoriented in a place called the village. He immediately tries to work out exactly where he is and what he needs to do to escape. He is met by a man who identifies himself as number 2 who wants the answer to a single question “why did you resign?” and then attempts to convince him to willingly join the community. Number 6 refuses and makes a futile attempt to escape ending up in hospital after being captured by the balloon like “Rover”. Before the episode ends, number 2 has changed. The episode ends with Number 6 accepting he is trapped for the moment with no way out.

Stefans Comments

Who is number 6 (John Drake)
The way he delivers the resignation (many times he says he resigned on principal)
The patience with which they crafted the story
The use of sound to make rover menacing

Throw to Simon.

Episode 2: Chimes of Big Ben

Number 2 has again changed and engages number 6 more personally, encouraging him to take part in the local activities in the village, including the art competition. In the meantime Number 6 befriends a spy who says she knows where the village is and can help them escape. Number 6 builds the shell of a boat under the disguise of “abstract art” and then wins the competition. He donates his prize to number 48 (an elderly lady) in exchange for her tapestry. Number 6 then constructs a boat using the artwork piece and the tapestry for a sail and then escapes with the woman. After narrowly avoiding rover, they are met by a man who seals the two into crates and ships them off to England. Number 6 and the woman arrive in London to be met by Number 6’s superior who repeats the question,”why did you resign?”. Big Ben chimes 8 and Number 6 realises he can’t be in London. Story ends with number 6 opening the door and there is the village.

Stefans Comments

Leo McKern as number 2 (his much more personal approach, much more banter)
The scenes during transport
The fact that number 6’s name isn’t used

Throw to Simon.

Episode 3: A B & C

Number 2 is under pressure to get information on what Number 6 was going to do when he resigned so brings in a doctor who has a variety of drugs and machines that can invade Number 6’s dreams. Number 2 has narrowed it down to three options, which he wants to explore via Number 6’s dreams to discover which one is correct. They capture him and put him through scenario “A” successfully discovering that he wasn’t going to do that option. Number 2 wakes up with a needle mark on his arm and confronts number 2. Number 2 shrugs it off before Number 6 is captured again, this time resisting forcing the doctor to influence the dream unsuccessfully. After he wakes up with a second needle mark, Number 2 suspects the new doctor in the Village and follows her back to her lab, replacing the drug with water. Number 6 is once again captured and it looks like the dream control is working. Finally the contact number 6 was going to meet is revealed to be Number 2, then number 6’s dreams return to a loop of his resignation moment. Ominously the phone rings for number 2.

Stefans Comments

This is the first episode with a number 2 that is not really in control.
With the fact number 6 works it out this story is a lot more spy vs spy.
The dream machine.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 4: Free for All

It’s election time in the village and number 2 convinces number 6 to run for office. Number 6 is goaded into agreeing as a chance to escape. After speaking to the crowd (which are told when to cheer) he goes into number 2’s office to attend a town meeting, where everyone just stands there. Seeing the meeting as a farce, number 6 is sent to a man who is to prepare him for the campaign. He drugs number 6 with something that makes him more compliant. Number 6 is assigned a woman who doesn’t speak English as a driver, uses the customary term “be seeing you” to say goodbye and looks more like a normal village member. The drug however fades in and out of it’s effectiveness, Number 6 at one point tries to escape and at another seeks real alcohol. Finally the election is run and number 6 wins, becoming the new number 2. His driver starts to play with the panel, then shows number 6 a panel on the wall that has a pattern of lights. Number 6 goes into a stupor and the woman takes the number 2 badge off him. She repeats the words tick tick and starts to hit him repeatedly. Number six wakes up and tries to use the communications panels to tell everyone to escape. No-one in the village does so and when number 6 tries to escape himself he is confronted by guards who beat him. The new number 2 confronts him and warns that this is just the beginning.

Stefans Comments

I loved the scene early on where he is talking to the reporter with the No Comment and the reporter just makes things up on the spot. The news is then ready by the time they get to the speech.
I found this episode quite disorienting, as I wasn’t sure how aware number 6 was of what was going on.
I didn’t see the driver coming as the next number 2

Throw to Simon.

Episode 5: Schizoid Man

Number 2 brings in a new spy to work with number 6. The spy (number 12) has two special abilities, one he looks like number 6 and two he is very good at impersonating peoples mannerisms. He is planted into the village and confronts number 6 accusing him of being a fake. He sets up a series of tests to prove he is the real number 6 performing better in all of them than the real number 6. Even rover is confused as to which number 6 is the imposter. Number 6 is then interrogated as an imposter, undergoes a fingerprint test and even a visit from a partially psychic woman. The one mistake that they made with number 12 is a missing mole on the left wrist. Number 6 is then put into a programme where he is trained to act and be like number 12, he grows a beard is taught to be left handed, eat number 12’s food and finally made up to look like number 12. He is returned to his room dressed as number 6 and fights the programming, electrocuting himself. Number 6 breaks free with Rover in pursuit and then confronts number 12 in his apartment, still appearing disoriented. Number 6 fools number 12 attacking him and getting the password off him before taking the fake mole. When they exit the apartment number 12 is killed by rover as an imposter. Number 6 then impersonates number 12 in a bid to escape. On the way to the leaving the village he makes a minor slip up and number 2 becomes suspicious. Number 2 lets number 6 fly off in the helicopter before bringing him back.

Number 6

Stefans Comments

The scenes with number 6 being re-educated are pretty horrible, I have no idea how he survives what he is put through in his time there
I loved rover in this episode, he is always present and always a menace, not easy for a giant balloon.

Episode 8: Dance of the Dead

This time we get an older woman as number 2 (a precursor to M in bond?) The village is going to hold a ball and number 2 wants number 6 to attend with a partner. A new woman has been assigned to watch over number 6 and he notices her nearby. He tries to follow but is delayed by rover and then unable to enter the town hall as it is protected by an electric field. Number 6 finds a cat which he takes home with him, his maid objects to him having it and Number 6 questions how things enter the village. Number 6 escapes his room and heads down the beach at night. He wakes up to find a body washed up and on the man locates a radio. Number 6 uses the radio to listen for signals and his female observer and number 2 catch him using it. Number 6 steals a life ring and plants a message on the body sending it out to sea attached to the life ring. Number 6 is caught doing this by a man called Dutton who number 6 knew previously. Dutton has given up fighting and is a broken man. Number 6 attends the dance, sneaking into the town hall he discovers a secret room where the body is being stored. Number 2 enters with the cat letting him know that the body will still be sent to sea but in this case with a note that says number 6 is dead. Number 2 takes him back to the ball where he is put on trial for having the radio. Number 2 acts as his defender, his observer the prosecution. The trial doesn’t go well, number 6’s only witness Dutton is now completely broken and number 6 is sentenced to death. Number 6 fights his way into the town hall finding an opulent room. He is once again confonted by number 2 who tells him that the angry villagers will find out he is the dead man in the long box.

Stefans Comments

Despite this being quite some way in and a lot happening, Dutton says he has been there a couple of months and number 6 says he is there quite recently.
The purpose of the trial is quite confusing as is the objective of number 2. She seems determined to cut off his options and get him to accept life in the village yet it isn’t clear as to what end.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 9: Checkmate

Number 2 gets involved in a game of chess where people are the pieces, during the game one of the pieces decides to make his own move to win the game, for which he is captured and taken off to hospital. In hospital he is dehydrated then shown several water coolers. When he tries to take water he is electrified until he follows instructions correctly then he is allowed water. Number 6 befriends the man and they hatch a plot to pretend an aircraft has gone down at sea so they will be rescued. The two work together and even gather a larger group to assist, all seems to go to plan and they manage to contact a boat. Number 6 enacts the plan, capturing number 2 and putting him in the custody of the man from the chess board and his followers before heading out to meet the boat. When he gets there he is greeted by the captain. An image of number 2 appears on the monitor, the group have set him free and the ship is one of the villages. Number 2 tells number 6 that the man from the chess board was programmed to believe that number 6 as an authoritative man was an agent not a prisoner. The man is horrified to discover his mistake. Number six smashes the viewscreen and tries to take over the boat. It’s controls don’t respond and rover appears to retrieve him.

Stefans Comments

The scene with the water coolers probably isn’t that scary by todays standards but I found it really creepy
I felt in this episode they were testing the prisoner to see what he would do and that the story has changed from what he was going to do when he resigned to his potential to work for the people who run the village.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 10: Hammer into Anvil

We open with number 2 confronting a woman who has slit her wrists. He tells her about her husband who has been having an affair with a woman, she gets upset and screams as she is being restrained. Number 6 hears the commotion and comes to investigate, only to see the woman break free and jump out a window. Number 2 tells number 6 he will pay for interfering but number 6 makes it clear it will be the other way around. Number 2 summons him to his house, which number 6 ignores until he is brought in by force. Number 2 says he will get number 6 under control that he will be the hammer to number 6’s anvil. Number 2 puts number 6 under strict surveillance. Number 6 starts to play games with number 2, he goes to listen to a record leaving behind a paper with the word security encircled, with the man in the store reporting his activities. This he repeats through a number of different ways sending messages that are meaningless but picked up by number 2 who becomes more and more paranoid sacking staff and mistrusting his closest advisors who he believes are in league with 6. Even the butler gets the sack. ? Finally number 6 confronts number 2. Number 2 believes number 6 is D6 sent by X04 to spy on number 6 to report back on number 2. Number 6 breaks number 2 down taking control of the conversation and convincing him that he is an agent and Number 2 has been either a saboteur or incompetent and that he needs to be replaced. As a final stroke he makes number 2 make the call to replace himself and it is clear it is going to take a tough man to break number 6.

Stefans Comments

This number 2 makes the mistake of pissing off number 6 and we get to see just how methodical and resourceful number 6 can be. We also get to see that when it comes down to it number 6 can be every bit as nasty with the mind games as the village controllers but that he has a moral line. This leads me to believe he did just resign over a matter of principal.
I am beginning to suspect Number 6 is an innocent man, well you are supposed to but I suspect that McGoohan’s catholic faith is bleeding into the character here as he takes a “righteous” stand to enact retribution on a bad man who was responsible for the death of another. Yet he has done nothing quite as bad to people who have wronged him directly.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 11: It’s your funeral

This story opens with a woman coming to number 6 for help. Number 6 is immediately suspicious and turns the woman away. Number 2 (in waiting) is watching and unhappy with proceedings. There is a bigger plan at work here and number 6 is a critical element. Number 2 reviews his daily activities until he discovers 6 will be attending “Kosho” practice, a martial art practiced on trampolines where each opponent battles to put the other into a pool of water lodged between the trampolines. While he is practicing 6’s watch is replaced with a broken one, forcing him to go to the clockmaker. There he discovers that the clockmaker is making a bomb. As he leaves he runs into the woman who came to him for help, now believing her that there is a plot at work. Number 6 confronts number 2 to help avoid the village being punished for the assination who dimisses him as being used by jammers (people who make up stories). Number 2 has taped the meeting for the purposes of using the video later. 6 continues to investigate uncovering a bomb to be placed inside the seal of office. He returns to number 2 to find a different and older number 2 in place. Number 6 is confronted with fake evidence that he has been making up assassination plots while the older number 2 is away but number 6 is convinced that number 2 is going to be killed rather than be allowed to retire. Number 2 becomes suspicious that he is to be killed when he requests the tape of the assassination plot and is not provided with it. The next day there is a ceremony for the older number 2 to hand over to his younger successor. Number 6 attends looking for the clockmaker who he finds in the bell tower. Number 6 relieves the clockmaker of the bomb detonator, then fights off agents there to make sure the assassination takes place. The plot foiled 6 gives the older 2 the detonator while the younger 2 wears the bomb. The older 2 escapes leaving the younger 2 to take the wrap.

Stefans Comments

Kosho just became my favourite fictional sport!
At this point I suspected a much longer story arc in play. The last few episodes the prisoner has settled in and is now acting as a counter balancing force to the village. He is no longer powerless and is taking charge despite being unable to escape. At this point he has the better of the number 2’s and understands how they work and is using that against them.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 16: Once upon a time

The number 2 from the second episode (chimes of big ben) has returned to examine the progress report of number 6, who has confounded all attempts to integrate into the environment. He orders “degree absolute” treatment for 6. Six is sedated and moved in with number 2. 6 is subjected to hypnotic treatment in his sleep and responds to commands when he wakes up. The two head to a chamber below number 2’s office where the butler awaits in a room where they are locked in for a week and only one of them will leave. Number 2 plans to find what makes 6 what he is and turn him to their side and if not, kill him. 2 takes 6 back to his childhood examining different situations to see how 6 reacts. 2 pushes him through his ‘school years’ until graduation where he confronts him with the question 6 was first asked when he came to the village. ‘Why did you resign’. 6 fights back and pins 2 to floor before he is knocked out by the butler. 2 then has 6 in a boxing ring and goads him to kill him during a fencing match. 6 stabs 2 in the shoulder as 2 presses him to answer why did he resign. 2 then progresses things, pretending to give 6 a job at the bank then putting 6 on trial for speeding after having 6 ride around on a little scooter. Throughout the trial 6 rufuses to say the number 6 or accept that he is a member of the village for which he is put in jail for ‘contempt of court’. 6 is dragged off into a room with bars. When asked again why he resigned he says it was because too many people knew too much then accuses 2 of being an enemy. After a struggle 6 tells 2 to kill him. 2 then puts him in a fake fighter plane and when he refuses to say the number 6 makes him bail out. 2 then interrogates in german. 6 is now starting to gain control, refuses to answer then asks for supper. Having broken through the “degree absolute” treatment, they have now swapped places with 6 taking change of the interrogation while 2 submits. With 5 minutes to go before the treatment finishes 6 tricks number 2 into the cellroom, locking the door behind him. The butler refuses to help as he see’s 6 is now the boss. 6 lets 2 out as he taunts him with the countdown to the door opening. 2 gets desperate as the clock ticks down and he isn’t able to get the answer. As the countdown reaches 0, two dies. The door opens and the controller appears congratulating 6, he then asks him what he desires and 6 asks to be taken to number 1.

Stefans Comments

This is by far my favourite episode, the performances of mckern and mcgoohan are electrifying.
The room 6 and 2 are in is amazing with it’s childhood toys, door in the middle of the room and way they use simple items to create a scene.
The ideas presented in the episode, the breaking down of a man are really confronting
The butler makes this episode work with his constant presence.

Throw to Simon.

Episode 17: Fall Out

6 is lead through a corridor lined with juke boxes into an open chamber where his is welcomed by a judge and jury of men in white robes. 6 is offered a royal blue chair while he is applauded. A door the number 1 on it and a light fised in the centre seems to communicate with the judge and as a result number 2 is bought out of the chamber, he is put in a chair, his beard shaved off and apparently he is being brought back to life. Number 48 who has appeared in previous episodes is bought into the chamber from below and begins singing ‘dem bones’. This breaks out among the jury and after a bunch of singing 48 is found guilty of being a revolutionary and is sent back below presumably to be punished. Number 2 is resurrected now clean shaven and with an orange mustache (looking a lot more like Rumpole of the Bailey). Number 2 congratulates 6. He turns to the butler and asks him to follow but the butler is now aligned with 6. 2 addresses the Jury stating that he once was a powerful man but that upon being bought to the Village he resisted for too short a time. He thanks them for their faith in him. 6 asks 2 If he has ever met number 1 to which 2 laughs, turns to the door with the 1 on it and asks should he give it a stare. 2 looks into the light on the door directly, suggests he doesn’t know who or what 1 is but removes the village badge and throws it on the ground. The light begins to smoke and then is covered up. 2 is secured and taken off to be with 48. 1 is shown his apartment and car, and is given travel passes, money, everything he needs to be free. All the while 6 is just sitting there smiling. He is given a choice, to lead the group or leave the village. 6 is encouraged to give a speech but every time he gets to ‘I feel that despite…’ the Jury start to chant ‘I’ presumably because 6 is the ultimate individual. 6 is then finally given the chance to meet number 1. 6 Descends below to the chamber with 48 and 2 where 2 is still laughing madly and 48 is still singing dem bones. 6 ascends a spiral staircase to a room filled with globes of the earth. There is a man in a robe watching 6 on the screen saying ‘my life is my own’. He is holding a crystal ball which he hands to 6 then flings his arms wide to a number 1 on his robe. 6 smashes the ball then removes the man’s mask to reveal a gorilla mask under it, then he removes the second mask to reveal a mad ‘6’ is number 1. Six chases 1 around the room as he screams madly until he escapes through a hatch in the roof. As he closes the hatch the light on the door is also closed off forever. 6 takes a fire extinguisher and and then aided by the butler attacks men that are watching over 6 and 48. 6 releases 2 and 48, knocks out the remaining guards and then reveals they are in a rocket which 6 sets to launch. 6, 2, 48 and the butler arm themselves with machine guns, exit the rocket and attack the everyone present, killing many to the tune of ‘all you need is love’. The evacuation order is given to the village. 6,2 and 48 get into the caged room 2 died in and the butler gets into the front lorry to drive them away. They escape the complex just as the rocket launches leaving the village abandoned. Rover dies to the tune of ‘I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)’ and it appears the village is finished. The butler drives the lorry down the highway, dropping off 48 who proceeds to hitchhike. Under a police escort the van drops off 2 outside Westminster which 2 enters. Number 6 is approached by a policemen who he has a conversation with then he catches up with the butler and the two board a bus. 6 and the butler return home, the hearse from the first episode appears to drive past and the butler enters the apartment which now has a door like those used in the village. As the story closes 6 is seen driving down the road in his lotus.

It appears the village was in the UK all along.

Stefans Comments

This is the twin peaks episode of the prisoner. Having seen this episode, McGoohan could easily have made could have rivalled Lynch or Gilliam.

This episode breaks the covenant with the viewer, breaks expectations and fails to deliver on the key promises at the beginning of the story and yet if you look at the subtext of the story it does. 6 does answer why he resigned (he didn’t he rejected) and stays true to that to the end. However the ‘Mad’ 6 that is number ‘1’ is never explained and so in the end the episode raises more questions than it answers. That part is where it looses it for me, is 6 having a dream, is this part of another session or if this is real how could a mad 6 run this kind of organisation.

That said, whatever McGoohan was trying to do with this episode, it failed in the minds of the ordinary punter. People didn’t get it and were angry. I think McGoohan was partly too clever in his storytelling but not quite clever enough in the execution or maybe by now he was just at the end and couldn’t quite put it all together. Or maybe he does and we just don’t get it. We will never know. To me though the only part that doesn’t fit (well other than 48 who is annoying and pointless) is mad 6 aka no 1 and the rocket and why people ran when the rocket launched. What was on it?

It is an amazing episode none the less.

In the end McGoohan said 6 never left the village, I think that sums it up.
I can see why the remake failed even though I haven’t seen it. This last episode leaves so much unresolved or explained leaving the desire for ‘more prisoner’. I think that could be mistaken however, what people wanted was the story finished or continued not redone, so any reboot no matter how good (and I heard the reboot wasn’t so good) was destined to fail. McGoohan puts so much into this story through his acting it would be impossible to replicate. For that matter I doubt McGoohan could have picked the story up and continued it years later.

Throw to Simon.

What makes the story special

Stefan…

The village, this world is awesome but scary
The Kafke/Orwell elements of one man against the system
The examination of psychology and torture, this is not a nice world and makes no pretence either way. It’s cold hard and brutal.
Rover
McGoohan. McGoohan as the prisoner creates the story, it’s doubtful anyone else could have made it work.

Simon…

Agree/Disagree? Send in your comments.

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Stefan, Rick, Simon, Sarah and Ella.

Well, I won’t question their assessment of the business logic to it all, maybe it will make money maybe it won’t but I will let you know I disagree with the reviewers whole heartedly. It’s not a hopeless movie, it’s actually really good in my books but I suspect it’s more accident than design.

Many of the reviews I read were particularly grumpy with the ending. I think in part it’s the lack of a clear cut ending and in part reviewers don’t generally get science fiction. Taking a step back…

The premise. Aliens come to earth and with some pretty cool technology lure people out of their homes and suck them up into space ships for reasons of their own, probably nefarious. What’s wrong with that?

Nothing I can see. Ok, now I wrote on this a few years back, any species capable of interstellar travel has some big firepower at their disposal, they have to. Now while I like like star trek as much as the next geek fact is where ever they go they aren’t likely to be making friends with inferior species. Given the resources required to travel that distance they are going to be coming with a reason and on the whole the reason is likely to be to get something they need (and that isn’t likely to be getting a tan, while checking out the local babes). Given that many resources (eg minerals) are relatively common throughout the universe then what would they need specifically from us? Well us actually. Life is far more rare than minerals and rarer still is highly developed life forms if our solar system is anything to go by. So big bad aliens coming to harvest us is on balance more likely than not. Sorry Gene.

Their method (draw them out and suck them up) is also not so stupid and far fetched. Why go into a messy war that will damage the merchandise. If you want it fresh you need to get in and get it quick… So that bit makes perfect sense to me. Even if it has a pretty high ick factor. We don’t go to war with cows, just so we can have steak.

From there it’s lots of big scary monsters, many aliens… Now in this kudos to them. Movies like cloverfield and Independence day didn’t have the balls to do that. You know what, if somethings coming to rape and pillage the earth, I want to get a good look at them and not through a shaky cam. In this moving the aliens are up close and personal and even if they have an ick factor well it’s a monster movie, they ought to right?

Stop reading now if you don’t want to know more or are planning on seeing it and believe me if you are a fan of monsters, you want to see this movie.

So to the ending… I was counting down the minutes, waiting for the “miracle discovery” that knocks off the aliens. Nope, nada. The monsters win pure and simple and they don’t just win where we see them, they win all over the world. YAY!!!! About time someone twigged to the fact that an advanced species, travelling that distance for a resource they really need is going to win… Not even the old nukes fix the problem. Not that I was 100% convinced about it but hey watching something get up after a nuke is really cool in my books.

In the last few minutes having established the earth is toast (again can I say YAY!) we swap to what happens to the humans once they are on the ship and that’s not nice either. Our aliens are harvesting the brains and dumping the bodies. A little bit of a glitch in the system (hey i’m a programmer, i understand that) allows one of our brain stripped characters to keep his memories after being transplanted in a new body. I would have started to get nervous but they end the movie there, leaving it up to the imagination of the viewer. Good on them, it takes guts to end a movie unresolved. I don’t actually see the problem with that.

OK I’m a monster lover, it’s out there. My score 9 out of 10. Why 9, I would actually give it 10 (despite it’s flat charmless characters, who cares they are there to show us how bad the monsters are not change our worlds) but I suspect that the creators got it right by accident not design and will if they put out a second, completely muck it up and find some ridiculous way for humanity to make a comeback… cause you know the humans have to win. However maybe not, I am not above a little personal triumph, somebody survives, that’s ok but if the humans kick their alien butts… i am walking out. that’s just not believable.

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Stefan, Rick, Simon, Sarah and Ella.

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Stefan, Rick, Ella, Sarah and Simon

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Stefan and Rick

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Stefan and Rick

Next week we will be doing a podcast on post production, how to fix the mistakes that come up.

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Stefan and Rick.

* State of Play at the end of Chapter 24 * New Characters from 12-23 * The Dream World * The Music of TMAH * MW-Orbit Ricks new project * And some hints on what’s to come…. (scattered throughout)

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Stefan, Rick, Simon, Ella and Sarah

Now I have seen 4 episodes (one from each series) over the past 6 years so my sample is small and intermittent. My impression though each time was that it was brilliant. Wierd Tick, Dark Tick, Challenging Tick, Interesting but Flawed Characters Tick. That ticks all the boxes of something I want to watch. Did I mention I am a B grade SF Junkie? And that I think David Lynches Dune is cool?

Dead Assasins, Love Slaves, Bug ships that destroys planets and more phallic symbols than you’ll find around a fertility god. Throw them into a wierd universe full of twisted people and well that will get me hooked. I have a thing for flawed characters and they don’t get much more flawed that this lot.

So is it any good? Will it live up to the expectation or will it be a B Grade flop… Let me know what you think and I promise to let you know the final verdict.

Everybody knows the basic story arc of the boy sent off into the world guided by the Wizard who then finds a creative way to snuff it, leaving the boy to finish off the quest, slay the evil king or whatever general baddy there is to be slain in order to become a man/king/hero all at the same time.

What happens when it’s a girl? Does the she become the heroine/queen/woman? Is it a quest that’s in her heart?

At this point I have to say (from a male observers point of view) girls don’t do quests. That’s not to say they can’t, my 10 year old daughter went from a white belt to a world championship team based on nothing more than deciding that was what she wanted to do. All the same it was anything but a straight line to get there.

In my family and scope of test subjects, the boys are usually keep at it till its done types. If it’s a passion, it’s all consuming. The girls in the family take the scenic route, yep their headed in that direction but there’s so many more interesting things to look at on the way.

Which bought me back to the relationship between the Shaggy Man and Rose. Does she need a master/magician. Rose has already achieved a lot by the time the Shaggy Man makes his presence felt. She has solved a number of mysteries (and also completely failed to solve others) she has displayed many hidden talents and great resourcefulness and resilience. No she’s not the finished product but who is at 10?

So what would she do with a DUMBLEDORE? That was the question at the forefront of my mind. The Shaggy Man tells her quite a bit about himself but never gives her answers on anything else, always forcing her to do it herself. At the end of their time together the shaggy man refuses to teach her more because what she will learn in doing things her own way is more important than what he knows. Sheesh! some help. He doesn’t even outline what it is Rose needs to aim for: Overthrowing the evil king? Killing the monsters? Nope kid, do what you want to do.

Yet in terms of relationships, the Shaggy Man is as close to a parent as Rose will get. In the future ahead there are friends and lovers but this is the only moment she gets to feel what it is like to having her mum or dad back.

Maybe that is what he is there for, to remind her that in the end we all have to do it alone in life and make it work. We carry the ones we love in our hearts but in the end we have to provide our own answers and pick our own path, quest or not. Even at 10.

Or maybe he’s just a double agent pushing her off course in subtle ways. With TMAH, you never can tell.

Roses final comment on the Shaggy Man “Adults are Weird.” Maybe she’s onto something.

Here’s something that they don’t teach you in writing school, how to deal with your characters on a personal basis. Now all that seems pretty simple, they are after all fictional, make believe, fantasy. In short “They ain’t real dufus!”. Now thats all very good and well but when you run into your characters on a daily basis, the lines can get more than a little fuzzy.

When I am not writing on a particular story, the characters tend to go to sleep in other words they go off into their world and I am in mine, everythings hunky dorey. When I am writing however its a very different story (pardon the pun). When I am writing the walls between their world and mine break down for a while and I am seeing the characters on a near daily basis. Even when I am not at the keyboard they are poping into my head, telling me what their up to in their world (which by the way is usually much more exciting than what’s going on in mine – damn them) or invading my dreams. When I am writing they don’t leave me alone for a minute.

The problem with people you see on a daily basis that are doing way interesting things is you get attached to them. It’s part human nature and part narcissism after all, they are a part of you. But I think that the author who says they don’t form relationships of a sort with their characters is almost certainly lying. Which brings me to the tears in my eyes.

Unfortunately I am a sucker for tragedy, I love unhappy endings. I can even trace the moment I realised it. Back in the early 80′s there was quite a popular and quite good science fiction series called blakes 7. For four years I followed Blakes crew religously becoming more and more attached to the characters as they went. As they exited the story characters didn’t leave, they died and when they died, I grieved. In the final episode all the characters died (or at least that’s what I saw), worse still they died having failed to achieve their goals and in a pointless way, betrayed by the man that started it all. In other words, a tragic ending. Anyone watched Romeo and Juliette recently? There is something noble yet unsettling about tragedy. We grieve for what could have been, we are horrified by what has occured. I have to confess I like them. There is something wrong with me.

Tragedy doesn’t always involve death, or at least not in my idea of life. Tragedy happens where ever a promise will be forever fullfilled, where the dream is snatched away. The fairytale sports team that goes from zero to the final only to loose badly, that’s tragedy. The little guy taking on a corporate giant only to get squashed, that’s tragedy. Someone took away our happy ending and left us with what ifs, time to grieve and curse at the cruel world.

Now being a writer a predilection for tragedy and developing an attachment to characters might be seen as not a good combination. I am here to tell you – bloody right. That’s the problem with tragedy, no emotional investment, no promises unfullfilled. If you don’t care to start with there’s no let down. So it’s the ones that you care about the most that suffer the most, they have the furtherst to fall. The tragedy of tragedy is you only hurt the ones you love.

So now you know my little secret. Me tissues and writing, three things that go together. It’s not very macho but then we can’t all be Arnie. After all, somebody has to deliver the bad news.

I can relate to this ad, its about how I felt when I became single father to three girls in 2001. All enthusiastic to get going then comes the flying through the air. And the crash landing. The first year was a blur, not to mention a major learning curve and the second was not much better. It wasn’t until the third and forth years that I started to feel like I was getting somewhere.

Now I always wondered what parenting would be like without a mum around. Mums do things differently and I have discovered that mum’s have very definite opinions on how dads should be. Unfortunately this martian tends to stretch the boundaries.

The difference for me anyway as I can’t say that all dad’s are like this came home to me when my youngest was three. We would wash up dishes together and she would always want to handle the sharp knives. Now I am sure that there are parenting forums that will tell me off but you know what, I let her. From birth she was always wanting to challenge herself, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t (a broken leg and colar bone are proof). Instinct told me she was one who just had to put her hand in the fire. I could either be there to pull it out if it got too hot, or she was going to do it without me. I chose the former. Now she has her sights set on the national karate team. I think she will make it, not because she’s my daughter though that does come into it but because she’s not scared to try. To me that’s half the battle.

That moment defined the next years of my parenting. I didn’t (and still don’t) believe that children are precious little things to be wrapped up in cotton wool. I believe that childhood is the best time in your life to experience life and stretch yourself. If you don’t stretch yourself as a child, then it gets all the harder as an adult. I see that in my eldest, who as the first born early on was protected. Now she is afraid to try things. The younger two have much less fear. Of course they have the advantage of following her. My kids want to ride bikes to school, it seems I am the only one saying “hell yeah’. No one stopped me from riding to school, heck I was pushed to do it. It gave me great freedom. Now its pretty much impossible. The schools hate it, mums hate it because there are too many cars and they could get hurt. My point is if they don’t do it and learn to do it properly they are more likely to get hurt. Which means taking real risks. Riding gives you very good road sense.

When it comes to parenting my children I am always driving with the seatbelt off. That is having to take risks because often the rules and worries cruel the spirit. That doesn’t mean being reckless, though I am often told I am reckless for proposing things I survived as a child (as did all my friends by the way). It seems now things are different. Thats why we need all these virtual computer worlds that are ‘safe’. Forget the excercise I want em outside so they can go and climb trees, skate on the road and go and take a few layers of skin off in the process. No its not a bad a thing, if you hurt yourself doing something you love, you want to it better, not stop doing it! If you are restricted unduely in doing something you love then yeah you won’t like it anymore or at least you will try something else.

So now with my totally cruel martian view of raising kids, I started to write childrens fiction. When I started doing it, I poked around doing work for 9-10 year olds and feeling like something was wrong. Then I worked out what it was. No-one was getting hurt. Now I don’t get kicks out of pain by the way, I don’t like it and I don’t like it when my kids are in pain. Not liking it though and accepting it is actually a natural part of life and not one to be exorcised at the first chance are two different things.

I stopped writing safe, people got hurt and even died. I handed it over to my teenage daughter who told me that it has to be for teenagers, too hard for younger kids. Yet my two youngest love it. It’s not graphic, there’s no graphic murders or violence or sex. Yes there’s monsters, yes there are dead people and yes the main characters get hurt and yes the material is shadowy side. The fact is though that the characters learn and grow and come out the other side stronger. As I would like to think many people who face adverse circumstances do. We don’t all learn our perfect lessons from perfect teachers. Hands up anyone who learned a painful lesson by stuffing up? I work closely with the younger ones on the comprehension side of the writing and make a good effort to put things in terms they can get easily. So does tackling darker topics mean it has to be for an older audience? Hmm, let me think on the number of shows as a kid I watched where bad things happened and people died as did my friends. Unlike me of course most of them turned out pretty sane . For that matter has anyone played playstation recently? Even the simplest games have more carnage in 5 mins than I saw in my entire growing up. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Time will tell if I am just another loony martian. Either way I refuse to write safe works for children for the same reason I let my three year old put away the sharp knives. Sometimes you gotta put faith in them to be able to work it all out. In my experience children are incredibly talented when it comes to working things out and having their own answers if you let them. Maybe that’s the scary bit. If they have different answers to us as adults, where does that leave us?

Maybe then adults might have to learn from the children. I know that I have from mine.

Like most people I discovered monsters when I was young. It started with fables and stories but by the time I was six, shows such as the Muppets and Dr Who had me hooked on monsters. I remember many long nights spent in bed going to sleep to Jeff Waynes War of the Worlds terrified by the martian howls and crying over the death of the thunderchild. I was an early masochist it seems. Certainly all my life monsters have been a facination for me which partially explains my love of B grade movies (something has to).

When I started writing around three years ago I didn’t set out to do monsters. I did want to do science fiction, though not the star wars kind. My influences as a child were writers such as HG Wells, Jules Verne and John Wyndham and later HP Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe and Stephen King. The common thread of these authors was people dealing with extraordinary creatures and circumstances from a very earthly perspective. Science fiction lends itself to pushing people to their limits in many different ways and seeing how they will react. The human characters become the lens through which we explore the unknown and maybe survive it.

It wasn’t long into crafting my earliest stories that monsters started rearing their ugly (well sometimes) heads. Why? I hadn’t invited them in, quite the opposite I tried to avoid them but the more I avoided them the more they crept in. Worse was to come. I gave them some script time, they wanted more. I gave them some bigger roles but they demanded more. They started to eat into my backstory, research time and even started to choose my reading material for me. By the time my daughters started handing me drawings of their own monsterous creations the jig was up. I knew what they wanted, prime time roles and they weren’t going to give me peace until I let them.

So I gave in and stopped writing stories with monsters in them and started writing about monsters.

Good Monster Bad Monster

One of the great things about monsters is that they don’t have to follow rules or rather our rules. They are the universal anarchists, destructive forces of nature even the equals of the gods. They are the mirror that shows us what we might be if we let ourselves go and what we can be through how we respond to that. Monsters don’t look like us or act like us. They don’t carry our social values, table manners, polite greetings or handshakes. They don’t even follow twitter. The can be good, bad, both or neither and no-one questions it because they are not like us. This gives monsters a distinct edge over the hapless human, they don’t have to play by the rules. It comes as no surprise to the viewer when in Aliens a group of bad ass marines suddenly finds themselves minus bullets and outfoxed by a bunch of roof hugging sleek killing machines courtesy of the imagination of James Cameron and HR Geiger. Monsters don’t play fair. That said they still follow rules. The Alien in Alien 3 leaves Ripley alone when it senses she caries one inside here.

But does an unwillingness to play by the rules make them bad? In my books the acid spurting horrors from the Alien series are just following the Xenomorphic instinct to reproduce. Does that make them bad? Depends on whether you have one in your tummy I suppose. In Tolkiens works the monsters sided with Mordor as did some humans but no monsters took the “good side”. I am generalising but in fantasy the Tolkien tradition seems to hold sway. Occasionally these roles are broken but still for the most part its about sides and which one you are on and generally monsters are on the bad side.

Science fiction is a little more ambiguous. This is probably because in science fiction the monsters are aliens and as such are open to more than taking sides. Dr Who and Star Trek have produced no end of classic monsters such as Dalek, Cybermen and The Borg. Some of them are “bad”, no-one would deny the Genocidal Daleks are acting on more than basic impulses. Some are “good”, though to me they represent humans in funny suits. They are modelled roughly on human attributes, albiet taken to extremes but none the less still recognisable. Thats why they are good or bad, because they follow established human rules and principles.

My favourite monster on Star Trek for example is one they met in the very first episode of New Generations, called the Q. The Q looked human but completely refused to play by human rules putting the crew into complex life threatening circumstances and in the process bringing out the best in them. This is why I tend to find the “good or bad” monsters interesting but as an author I am drawn to the Xenomorphs and the Q’s. These creatures allow the author to take humans somewhere they haven’t been just to find out what they are made of. In these monsters, new things can be born within us. Creatures like the daleks are undoubtedly scary and popular but do they teach us anything about ourselves? Not really other than maybe the dB limit of the female vocal chords.

How I Construct a Monster

I think monsters are actually harder to construct as a character than humans. Humans at least follow some basic rules we all have experiences of. Monsters don’t, they have their own rules and conventions which need to be developed before they start doing things. When I started writing Eyo based on characters conceived by my daughter I had little to go on other than a couple of drawings. I asked her to put down some notes and a couple of quotes from them (assuming they spoke). From there rather than develop a history for the character which I would do with a human I looked at the key attributes of their physiology and used the physical attributes to start to define a personality. For example one character she gave me was a simple cube with six faces (literally six different faces). That lent itself immediately to a creature that was a living schitzophrenic.

Once I have a personality I give it a set of morals or rules that it operates by and things that are motivations and fears. This is my starting point. One of the great things about monsters is to a reader they are almost always a mystery to unravel all of their own. For this reason when I write about monsters I deliberately avoid knowing too much about where they came from (in terms of personal history). That way I am going on the same journey of discovery as the reader. This also means I have to be tighter in the editing.

That’s not to say monsters don’t come from somewhere. In my case because its science fiction mostly its almost always another planet, none the less that is one part of the monsters story I am interested in. Knowing the environment they grow up in for example dictates how they are likely to react in different situations.

Monsters are game changers, the trick for me is to uncover how they are going to change the game and where that leaves the humans at the end. If I define too much upfront, then they can become impotent from their pre-defined limitations or strengths.

Monsters make Change Easy.

There is a reason why fables of the past often used monsters. They guide the hero to his outcome by providing the thing the hero ought not to be. They create change in the hero but they do it in an obvious way, even though this is often credited to another character. The fact is without the monster there would be no lesson to learn.

When you have a choice between the hero who has learned a lesson and the monster few children are going to choose to be the monster. Monsters define us as humans in a way that is often easier to grasp because monsters can be any yucky thing we don’t want people to be. While I think that’s a simplistic view of monsters (and I believe monsters have many more roles to fill in storytelling) the point is monsters create change in humans.

Anyone who thinks Ripley is the same woman post Aliens that she was Pre needs to go back and watch the movies again (or at least the first three).

If you are wanting to tell a story of change you can do worse than go pick a monster.

Monsters are exciting, dangerous, scary, unpredictable agents of change. They can look like anything you can imagine, they can act in any way you can conceive. They are a storytellers dream but equally I think a storytellers challenge. The hardest things to write are often the things that carry the most possibilities.

My hero when it comes to monsters is undoubtedly Jim Henson, I don’t think that anyone has managed as many different facets of monsters as he did from the muppet show, dark crystal, labyrinth and the storyteller series. I still remember being equally enthralled and creeped out watching two minutes of monster madness on the muppet show.

If I can achieve even a fraction of what Jim Henson did in crafting monsters, then I will die a happy man.

Here are some of the drawings… Many more there but that would be giving away too much.

The only thing that would be worse is using it as the central part of a fiendish plot to stage an alien abduction in a downtown cafe… But they would never do that the darlings….

Cheers

Stefan