Strapping in for some wibbly wobbly timey wimpy stuff.
Oh dear, Tom hanks is old, talking to himself and completely nuts. Well that’s news.
So we flick to a man digging up teeth on a beach, then to a woman driving a car across a bridge, then to an author, then to a boy about to commit suicide, then to a girl in the future being interrogated.
Are we confused yet?????
OKAY… Me likey the opening but dayam…
We cut to a group of people having dinner. By their conversation they are white settlers using slave labour. They are pompous and not especially likeable. Next day they look around the plantation, only to come across a black man being whipped. The young man from the opening faints and wakes up in bed, apparently with a brain worm. Lucky for him there is a doctor on hand… really truly.
Cut to two men in bed. A debt collector is banging on the door and one of the young men jumps out the window after having a man snog. Apparently he has a scheme to convince his boyfriends father to recognise him. He sets out to work as a musicians scribe. There seems to be method to his madness as he convinces the old grump to keep him on with some smooth finger work… lucky man.
Cut to reporter, who gets stuck in a lift with an old man. They get to talking and he discovers she has the same birthmark as someone he cared about. He looks on the verge of giving up an important story when the lift kicks in. As they part she gives him her card, they will be talking…
Cut to our publisher. He is at a party of the pretentious kind with one of his authors, tom hanks with a bad haircut and an awful english accent of the british thug variety. Things liven up however when hanks throws a critic off the balcony and he falls to his death. That’s the only time hanks will look scary and not cause he killed someone… Our publisher is visited by more thugs who demand 50k in cash.
Cut to our future asian girl who is talking about her work. Her work consists of living in a small room with bunks and girls that have a life of service, working in a store only for return to the bunks at night as slaves. This is all run by a cult that periodically picks one for “ascension”. One night she wakes up and interupts one of the other girls making woopie with one of the monks. They hide in the lost and found and view a video that talks of criminal abuse. The next day, one of the customers makes a pass at her. Her friend freaks out and tries to get to the lift but one of the monks kills her activating the collar which bursts blood vessels in her neck.
Cut to tom hanks now as a warrior. He sees a man who talks to him all creepy style, warning him as another tribe kills his friend and friends son. A futuristic boar arrives and a woman comes to stay with the tribe. Mr creepy turns up whispering in our boys ear that she can’t be trusted. He has a dream of flashes of all the other stories happening. He goes to a wise woman who is equally creepy.
Cut to future asian girl, a man arrives and offers to help after
Back to our lover boy. He is happily working for the father and the music is flowing but he is reading a book by the man in the past who was at the plantation but half of it is missing.
Back to our reporter and it looks like the old man is the lover of the boy working for his father.
Cut to the publisher and he has money problems.n He turns to his brother in desperation, who agrees to help.
Back to our young lawyer in the past who is suffering from the brain worm. He is visited by a black slave who seeks his help. When he refuses the black man tells him to kill him.
Cut to the girl in the future with the tribe. She is trying to make her way up a mountain and there is radiation everywhere it seems.
Cut back to the old man and the reporter. She arrives just as the old man is murdered and is almost killed herself as the assassin waits at the door. She returns later to discover the body.
Back to the lover boy, where we find out there is complications in the relationship of the father and his wife.
Back to the future tribe where tom hanks and the girl from the ship talk about why she is here before one of the bad tribe rides by and they hide.
Back to a publisher who arrives a train station he visited as a young man in love.
LOOPY STUFF!!!! THEY ARE ALL LINKED UP SHOCK HORROR!!!!
Back to the lawyer talking to the slave (who was the one being whipped), turns out they are friends… ahhhhhh
Back to the reporter who is reading the letters of the old man.
Turns out lover boy and the fathers wife have become lovers. He is starting to write music.
The reporter tracks down the music he was working on – the cloud atlas sextet.
Back to publisher who has tracked down his old lover (and has some inappropriate memories of cats).
Jumping between future girl getting her collar removed and tom hanks tribe saving a girl. The woman from the boat is offered help in exchange for saving his daughter.
The publisher doesn’t check out his past lover, he checks into the hotel.
Future girl is given freedom and sees the city for the first time. (she is still telling her story) Turns out the scene she saw in the lost and found was part of a movie.
Back to the publisher. Looks like he’s in the old persons home from hell. What a loving brother… Turns out this is punishment for the publisher shagging his brothers wife…
Future girl is shacking up with the man who freed her, watching movies and learning of the world for the first time.
The Lawyer in the past confronts the captain hoping to make his friend a member of the crew. The stowaway has to unfurl the main sail and does it but only with the help of the lawyer who stops him from being shot.
The Reporter meanwhile is following the story down to the office of the old man who was a doctor when she is interrupted by a coworker. He is given the job of showing her around the building. He tells her that the report she is looking has mostly be destroyed. Apparently he has a conscience and gets her the report.
Future girls and her protector are caught out and on the run. As they head on the run, they are attacked by a gunship and her protector falls off a ledge. Future girl is caught and is to be interrogated.
MORE JUMPY LOOPY STUFFFFFF!!!!
In the radioactive future they are heading up the mountain. Mr creepy turns up when the girl falls as they are climbing a segment using ropes and insists warrior tom kills her by allowing her to fall. Turns out there is a building at the top of the mountain inside are a lot of dead people and a big statue…ooooooohhhh
While the coworker has fallen in love with the reporter… only to get on a plane which blows up. The reporters car is smashed off a bridge into a river but as it turns out she lives… ahhh poor coworker. She heads home and of course there is an coworker waiting for her.
In the past lover boy is making beautiful music. Looks like the father is a manipulative ass, while the boy thinks he’s in love with him but the father shames him into writing cloud atlas under his name. His lover (the old man) heads off to help him. Lover boy steals a revolver. Of course it’s all going to go wrong and the old man is killed in a scuffle.
Future girl is rescued by her protector, who it seems is not dead. Mad future bike thingy chase ensues. BOOM! bang bang pew pew.
The publisher is part of a bunch of oldies planning to break out of the home. They create a fight in the dining hall as a distraction. From there it’s a complex plot that see’s them locked in a car they can’t operate. The finally find the start button (what is this cars by microsoft!) and in a daring escape they bust the joint leaving the evil nurses in the wake. They of course wind up in a pub filled with scotsmen. This of course leads to a hilarious fight
The lawyer in the past is getting sicker and his doctor is stealing everything he has and has eyes on his key. I reckon the doctor is poisoning him but his slave friend comes to the rescue.
Now we have a link between future girl and warrior tom as the woman from the boat turns on a computer panel showing warrior tom that their god was future girl. Mr Creepy is not happy trying to turn warrior tom against her. WHY DO THEY KEEP GETTING Hugo Weaving TO PLAY THE BAD GUY. Turns out they are looking for help and she activates some sort of beacon. HUGO WEAVING N DRAG DOESN’T WORK FOR ME.
The reporters intruder turns out to be an old colegue of her fathers who has answers for her about the assassin. Turns out those evil oil companies don’t want proper energy… THE BASTARDS!!!!! They try and get the file but then the assassin goes after them, cornering them in a house. They are rescued when the assassin goes too far killing an old womans dog and is then killed by the old woman, hilariously I might add…
Lover Boy is on the run and winds up in a home with a dubious owner, similar to the doctor in the past.
Future Girl is introduced to a general and is revealed to be some sort of revolutionary. She finally gets some snog time with her protector.
HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO BRING THIS TOGETHER???
Future Girl is taken to see the exultation. Instead of being rewarded the girl to be exulted is killed. Turns out the girls are killed to be recycled to be fed to future workers. She decides it must end. They head to the building warrior tom found and send out a broadcast only to be attacked, we know how that ends, not well. Back to the interrogation and she is done telling her story… Turns out
On the way down Warrior tom sees smoke. It turns out his village is destroyed. He comes across a sleeping man from the bad tribe and kills him albeit messily. He rescues his daughter but it’s trouble. The bad tribe catch them but they are saved by the woman from the boat.
Lover Boy finishes off his symphony and sees his boyfriend but hides from him and instead kills himself with the revolver.
The publisher has become a writer, writing the book that would become a movie that would inspire future girl. He has shacked up with the girl he shagged in his youth.
The reporter gets her story out… WOW What a big ending!
The lawyer makes it home, to his wife (future girl). He meets up with his employer and burns the contract he carried that enables slavery. He and his wife (slavers daughter) are going to work with the abolitionists.
And we end with old tom telling his story…
So the links here –
The lawyer writes a book of his travels, that influences a young composer in world war II, which then leads a reporter to make a discovery about a nuclear power plant and writes a book about it influencing a publisher who writes a book about how he was unjustly imprisoned in an old folks home, which becomes a movie, which leads to a future girl starting a revolution that goes fuck knows where which leads to a degenerate set of human beings calling into space to be saved but aren’t heard but that’s all okay because love conquers all!
The Apocalypses analysis – WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?